I really enjoyed having Sister Williams come to class on Wednesday. I thought it was so nice of her to be willing to share her story with us. I felt like it gave me a much better understanding of what it would be like to get remaried and how hard it could be to go out and date again after having chldren. I was also very impressed that Brother Williams was able to take on such a huge responsibility with not only providing for a wife at 21 but also for two little boys. I am almost 21 myslef and I can't imagine having to take care of two children already and especially fresh off a mission. It was just an incredible story! My faveorite part of the class was when Brother Williams shared the song by Brad Paisley that his son had dedicated to him. I just started crying becasuse it was such a beautiful song and it made me want to start a family so bad. I went home that night and my roommate and I watched that music video again and she started crying too. Families really are incredible and I am so grateful for the opportunity I will have one day to be a wife and mother.

Brother Williams- Thank you so much for sharing your story and for the great semester! You are a wonderful teacher and I have really enjoyed your class. I would also like to thank you for the times you felt inspired to share some of your personal experiences. I have been touched deeply by them.

Today in class we talked about treating our children with respect. We reflected on the video that first showed a Mother treating her daughter disrespectfuly and then they reversed the situation so the Mother was sitting on the couch and the daughter came in and said the same things the Mother had said in the first situation. I thought this was very eye opening because when I first saw the Mother treating her daughter disrespectfuly it wasn't that big of a deal, but when the daughter talked to her Mom that way it sounded so rude. It just made me think that when I am a parent I need to remember that my children and people to and they deserve my respect more than anyone because they are my family. We are more prone to say something rude to a family member than we are to a stranger because we know our family will put up with it and love us anways. This is not the right attitude to have we need to be respectful to all people especially our family members. Before I say something hurtful to a family member I am going to ask myself if I would say this to a stranger or friend.

On Monday we talked about family finances. It was pointed out that we are learning to live the law of consecration in our marriages and in our families. That really stuck out to me. It is true that when we get married all that we own goes from being mine to being ours. This was just another testimony builder to me of how much the family is ordained of God. We can learn so many eternal principles through creating our own families.

On Wednesday we talked about the talk Counseling with your Councils and how that could be applied to families. We should be discussing issues together as a family council. First we reviewed how the first presidency and the 12 apostles come to decisions in their council meetings held ever Thursday in the temple. I found that to be very enlightening and a good template for us to follow in our own homes. They start their meeting by showing love towards each other then have a prayer. After they have the prayer they discuss the issue until they all agree that they have come to understand God's will on the matter than they have a closing prayer and end with a dessert. The dessert is a bonding experience which unifies them again. One student recognized that this routine is a chiasm. I think that we should model our family discussions after this example. Before we ever bring up an issue we should express our love and concern for our family members than we should pray that the spirit will be with us and that we will be able to know God's will. Then we come to a consensuses not a compromise. If we truly understand God's will then neither of us should be giving up anything and we should both be happy with the final decision. We should pray and make sure that we have made the right decision and then we should unify ourselves again so that we end on a good note with everyone feeling right about the outcome.

This week we discussed family crisis and how they can either draw a family closer together or distance a family. We were asked to identify 10 family crisis and reflect on how our family members reacted and the impact the events had on the family. I found this to be a very interesting assignment. I noticed that even though the crisis were really hard at the time and I wished then that they had never happened I can now look back on many of these experiences and be grateful for the lessons I learned from them. It just shows that God really does give us trials to help us grow. Many times we believe these trials only effect us individually, but from making this list I have come to see they not only help us grow as a person but grow together as a family. During times of trial we not only learn to rely on God but we also learn to lean on our family members for support and strength. That just shows how much God loves us, he gave us a support systems here on earth, the family and I am so very grateful for them!

This week we have been talking about intimacy in marriage. My roommate is also taking a marriage prep class at this time and they have been talking about pornography. We have talked together about some of the things we are learning and it has just made me wonder what I can do if anything to prevent my husband from getting into that kind of stuff. I want to know what I can do to protect my marriage. Some of the ideas I came up with are praying with my husband daily, going to the temple together weekly, dating weekly, continuing to be affectionate all throughout our marriage, turning to him emotionaly and no one else, serving and loving him, putting the computer out where everyone can see it, not having cable TV, checking up on him to see if there is ever that temptaion, and just being there for him. I know that there are lots of good people who have problems with pornography or affairs in their marriages but I really don't want that to happen to me and I am willing to do all that I can to prevent that.

Today in class we talked about what happens after the couple gets married. After they have been married its a time for them to "put up their white picket fence." Meaning they need to set boundries as to how much family involvement they both want. It is vital that the newly married couple seperates themselves enought from their parents that they are able to establish their own family. They can establish their own family by deciding the roles they will each play- house keeping, who provides the income etc. They should also set a presitence as to how they will handle conflict. When we started talking about conflict Brother Williams read a scripture from the Doctrine and Covenants on how and when we should confront someone about an issue that bothers us. In the scriptures we are told to use sharpness. Brother Williams explained that this means "with surgical percision." I found that to be very insightful! We shouldn't confront someone by attacking their character we need to be clear and specific about the issue that bothers us. I really enjoyed the discussion today because I felt like I learned alot about dealing with conflict and confrontation. I love how you can always turn to the scriptures for instruction dealing with any problem. And I just loved how Brother Williams picked apart each word to better our understanding of the verses.

This week we talked about love and mate selection. We discussed the 4 greek words used to describe differnt levels of love. There is Eros- romantic love, Agape- love for others well being, Phlia- brotherly love, and Storge- familial love. We were then asked to decided what percent of each catagories we would want in our own marriages. I found that for me I think I would like to have 25% for each. I wouldn't like to feel that my marriage was lacking in one of these areas. I also wouldn't be able to decided which area I would rather have a higher percentage of love in. I find them all to be equally important in cultivating a healthy relationship. I hope that as I am dating I will be able to build strong foundations of love in all these areas with the person I eventually marry. I think it was good that we discussed these catagories so that as we look for an eternal companion we can make sure our relationships aren't built to heavily on only one form of love and lacking in the rest.

Gender Roles

In class we talked alot about gender roles. We focused on female typical and male typical roles such as women being good at nurturing and men being the providers in the home. I believe that we place ourselves in these roles not because we are cultured and forced into these roles but because we have inate gender typical strengths. When we recognize that our Heavenly Father has blessed us with different gifts we can better understand how to work together as a couple to help eachother and create a family in the way our Father planned for us. We talked in class about how some people believe equality among genders means the husband and wife both give 50/50. Meaning they both spend as many hours outside of the home working as they do inside of the home working. I believe this leads to the break up of families. When we become too independent and stop relying on eachother for help and support we become two individuals with seperate lives living in the same house. Instead we should use the gifts we have been given and allow our spouse to use their strengths to make up where we lack instead of trying to do it all ourselves. If we follow that pattern our Father in Heaven has created for the family we will be the happiest.

At the beging of the semester I made it a goal to learn and pick up different family traditions and values from the various family cultures we study that I want to implament in my future family. For today's class we read an article about how immigration has effected hyspanic families. One thing that I learned from the reading that I would like to take from their culture is there great sense of "familism." In the hyspanic culture their families seem to be more involved in eachother's lives and tend to include their extended family in more activities. In the reading it said that those imigrants who leave Mexico and come here tend to lose that familism. I think that is partialy due to the fact that they are leaving a lot of their extended family but more primarily due to their adapting to the U.S.'s independent lifestyle. In my own family I want to adopt that idea of familism. I want my children not only to have a close relationship with me and my husband but also with eachother and our extended family. I want to be one of those families that plays games together, takes vacations together, and just enjoys being with eachother.

Family Rules:

I found it very interesting to indentify a few unspoken family rules in my house. Here are a few I came up with:
1. We all sit in certain spots for dinner
2. When we are sitting in the living room Dad has a lazy boy he always sits in and if one of us is sitting in it and he comes in we move. He doesn't even have to ask us we just know thats were he relaxes.
3. Dad drives the car
4. mom does the laundry
5. When I call home just to talk I call my mom.
6. When I call to ask a religious question I call my dad.
7. When Ann ( my sister) and her family come to visit my mom buys rolls for hogie sandwhiches.
8. Logan ( only boy in the family) always helps Dadwith the outside work.

These were just a few "family rules" I identified but there are many more. It is really interesting to me that we establish these rules in our homes without ever really stating them or writing them down. Everyone just kinda knows. I wonder what rules I will carry over into my house with my future family and how you make it so that everyone just knows. I wonder if my parents wanted to instigate these rules or if they just kinda happend?

I just read about the exchange theory form the text and it really made me think. In the exchange theory we look at our relationship and ask ourselves are the costs worth more than the rewards. I feel that although this is neccessary in dating and chosing a spouse it isn't the attitude to have in marriage. We shouldn't be so focused on our needs being met as we should focus on meeting their needs. Marriage teaches us how to become selfless and put others needs before our own. If we are constantly asking ourselves if all the work we are putting in is worth it then we are being selfish and need to change our thought process.

In class this week the question was asked " How isolated should a couple become after marriage?" This is a question I have thought a lot about. I am a very social person and definitely believe in the more the merrier theory. I just love doing things with friends and getting big groups together. I am kind of scared that when I get married I will lose all my friends and all of a sudden it will just be me and him. I know that it’s important to go off and establish your own little family after marriage but where is the line between that and becoming antisocial? It’s almost like people think once you’re married that you don’t need friends anymore but I don’t think that’s true for me. I don’t know though I guess because I’m not married maybe it’s different when you have your best friend/spouse around all the time.

I have just created this Blog for my Family Relations class : ) I'm excited for this semester and expect that we will learn alot and have a great time!